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Look at this stuff,
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has everything?
Look at this bowl,
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one toilet hold?
Looking around here you think "Sure, she's got everything"
I've got rust stains and mildew aplenty
I've got Lysol and Comet galore.
You want White Tornadoes? I've got twenty.
But who cares
No big deal,
I want more.
I want to be where the people are.
I want to see, want to see them dancing
Waiting around for a - what do you call it? Oh - seat.
Lifting your fins you don't squirt too far
Legs are required for dumping, standing
Having to take a - what's that word again? Pee!
Up where they walk, up where they run,
Up where they stay all day in the john
Wearing panties
Wish I could be, part of that world.
What would I give,
If I could piss out of these waters?
What would I pay
To spend a day all on the can?
Betcha on land they understand
Bet they don't reprimand their daughters.
Bright young women, sick of urine
Ready to stand
And ready to go like the people go
Ask them politely and get some tissue
What's the Charmin and why do you - what's the word? Squeeze!
I have my needs
And I would love - love to be on that seat up above
No spills on the rim
Just in porcelain
And fart of that world.
Okay - some very necessary disclaimers here. First off, Christie can't believe I'm doing this, and is pretending not to know me. Second, I'm not a songwriter, and I acknowledge the crudity of it, but hey - I painted a toilet seat! How much more shameless can I get? Third - well, I suppose I should say it, but to anyone with a brain it should be obvious that Disney has had absolutely nothing to do with this and I'm acting without permission. I do have a lot of affection for the characters, but my crude sense of humour has overwhelmed me on this point. Hopefully I haven't crossed any lines that'll get me sued. Fourthly, if anyone is interested, I do not have this seat on a toilet in my house. It was a present, although I understand it's hanging on a wall rather than being used for it's intended purpose. (sigh)
That's the show for today folks! Drop me a line sometime :)
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